Travelling 101; #2: The Chicken Bus

Millions of American and Canadian children have no idea that one day the bus seats they occupy on their way to school will probably be graced by chickens, pigs, motorbikes and lots of women in bowler hats. As the humble yellow school bus (normally made by bluebird I have come to learn) comes to the end of its natural life in North America it is shipped or driven down by the busload to Central America where it is stripped of any useful electronics, painted in psychadelic colours, given some go faster spoilers and liberally decorated with pictures of the Virgin Mary, Jesus, Che & the entire Barcelona football team (in that order of popularity). Sometimes the drivers go for slogans such as "Solo Dios sabe mi destino" which can either be translated as "Only God knows my destiny" or the much cooler "Only God knows my destination". Love a bus driver that relies on divine intervention to get to the right bus stop.

These busses then roll out and connect the tiniest of Central American villages. They really are the lifeblood of many a C. American town - without them nobody would be going anywhere in countries where car ownership is still a privilege only the upper classes can contemplate.

These chariots stop anywhere - all you do is stick your arm out somewhere vaguely near the road (or even up a side street where the conductors with eyes in the sides of their heads will spot people legging it from miles away). This can be slightly frustrating though as the lack of bus stops means that 5 people standing all separately 10 meters away from each other will all halt the bus, in fact moseying towards a bus that is slowing down is most definitely frowned upon. Customer is definitely king here and the conductor is a legend. I have seen them lift on a pack of children at the same time, take 10 shopping bags off a woman and even seen one conductor lift an old granny on by lifting her up under her arms. The concept that a bus wouldn't stop and let somebody on is unimaginable here, space will always been made (normally by women putting all 6 children on their lap, Chinese acrobatic displays don't even get close) and there is always time. Not like the German tram drivers that I have seen close the door on many a huffing and puffing grandmother's face.



The busses also transport any item imagineable, it is funny to read the old school signs prohibiting food when the man beside you has 3 chickens tied up between his legs. In my time I have seen, besides the obligatory chickens, ducks, dogs,a couple of goats, a moped, a plasma TV, a monkey, a pig and quite recently 2 armchairs, a 2 seater sofa and a three seater being transported.

In many countries, El Salvador being the one to come most to mind, the chicken bus is the favourite target of street vendors who hop on and off plying their wares to a captive audience. Anything from cold drinks to fruit, from doughnuts to chicken on a stick are offered (screamed) at the passengers. Even if the bus is completely packed with people, standing choc-a-block in the aisle, the vendors will still weave & dodge their way down the aisle and back. Slightly more annoying than the common or garden vendor is the snake oil salesman who you can spot a mile away. They get on with a large backpack / suitcase and stand at the front. They then clear their throats loudly and start off by wishing everybody a most wonderful trip on this perfect day and that this little interruption will only last a minute before everybody can return to their fantastic journey.

They then kick off a 20 minute rehearsed speech selling their wares, whether they be CDs, DVDs, health books or even fucking etch a sketches (still the rage over here).

But all in all the chicken bus is an institution and there is never a dull moment on one. The tube will never be the same again.